“Students place in speech tournament”
Original lead: The Speech and Debate team was invited to the Richard D. King Annual Youth Speech Contest put on by the Niles Rotary on Thursday, Feb. 4 at Washington Hospital.
Weakness: Although it is specific, the lead contains information that can be placed elsewhere in the article.
New lead: The Speech and Debate team was invited to the Richard D. King Annual Youth Speech Contest, hosted by the Niles Rotary.
Strengths: The new lead isn’t as wordy.
“NUMMI closure affects student and family”
Original lead: The closure of the Fremont NUMMI Plant affects WHS students.
Weakness: It’s inaccurate. The article is about how the parent is affected, not WHS students.
New lead: The closure of the Fremont NUMMI Plant not just affects mere people, but a WHS parent.
Strengths: It’s more accurate, in terms of the information in the article.
“High school relationships lack longevity”
Original lead: High school relationships may be fun and exciting, but are they going to end in marriage?
Weakness: It sounds as though the relationship will end, not continue, in marriage. Also, the first two sentences could have been combined into one sentence.
New lead: Although high school relationships may be fun and exciting, they may not last as long as one would hope.
Strengths: Because the lead is more general now, it can be applied to those who choose not to marry their significant other.
“From the rack to the boutique”
Original lead: Have you searched all over the department stores for that perfect prom dress and still have not found anything that you like?
Weakness: I personally don’t like when writers start their articles with questions; they’re cheesy. Although Jenae was setting up the situation, she could have been more direct.
New lead: In order to find the perfect prom dress, check out places you wouldn’t usually visit.
Strength: It’s more concise and direct.
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